In a Different Light
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Phyllis takes the job offer in New York but comes back to Genoa City with a new look and a new outlook on life to attend a charity event. Phyllis/Billy
1. Chapter 1

Phyllis stared up at the ceiling. She'd seen every hour go by tonight. The city that never sleeps was certainly living up to its name. At first she'd blamed the new surroundings, the different bed, the new condo, the streetlights and sounds, but she'd been fooling herself. It wasn't what had changed that was the problem—it was what had remained the same.

Fifty-seven days. That's how long it had been since she'd seen him. She'd hoped at some point the time would simply begin to slip by without notice, but that moment had yet to happen. Sometimes when she walked down a busy street, she'd see someone that reminded her of him and she'd stop short, drawn to a mere memory.

"This too shall pass," she whispered, repeating her new mantra out loud—this new practice now serving as a mini version of a personal pep rally. The comforter was warm and cozy and she pulled it up tighter around her body, waiting to feel comfortable and safe, but she didn't. Instead she felt antsy and at odds. Her mind had been fighting the battle since the moment she'd seen the envelope in the mailbox.

* * *

 _"It's a charity event," Michael repeated, glancing at Lauren across the room and raising his hands in frustration. He'd tried to warn her sending the invitation would elicit just this type of response._

 _"Michael—you know no one wants to see me there."_

 _"That's not true. I want to see you. Lauren wants to see you and…." He let the words hang in the air. It wasn't that he necessarily approved of the relationship, but watching how Billy had gone into full fledged mourning after she left had given him a new perspective on the two of them as a couple._

 _"Stop it," Phyllis quickly countered, trying not to even consider the possibility. It was a dangerous concept to allow herself to even think about him, much less to hope that he'd be happy to see her. "I just..I don't think it's a good idea."_

 _"So what? You're never gonna visit? So your marriage didn't work out—that doesn't make you some kind of town pariah. You have a right to come back and visit your friends and your family. We miss you. Besides, it's for a really good cause. We're raising money for the children's charity. My law firm is sponsoring it."_

 _Phyllis sighed. "I wish I could—honestly. If I didn't think it would be so damn awkward. It's just the minute people see me they're not gonna be thinking about the charity or raising money or anything else except the reason I left and why I came back."_

 _"They might not even recognize you. After all, it's a Masquerade Ball for New Year's Eve. Everyone's going to be in a festive mood. They'll be drinking and dancing. We're even doing a bachelor's auction. You might meet someone." He heard the scoff over the phone. "Oh come on…Guys would kill to land a woman like you."_

 _"Right—I'm a real catch." She slumped into the oversized chair, running her fingers over the raised lettering on the invitation. "Listen, I'll think about it, ok?"_

 _Michael smiled as he nodded at Lauren. "I'll take it," he said cheerfully. "Let me know when you'll be flying in. I want to meet you at the airport."_

 _"Michael, I never said I…" She groaned as she realized the line was dead. With a heavy sigh, she stood up, laying the invitation on the bed side table and looking out the window over the bustling city streets. Maybe she could go back and visit. Some time had passed. Maybe people had moved on—maybe people wouldn't hold her in such contempt._

 _She walked across the room, opening a drawer and pulling out the comfortable pajamas she now donned every night. Maybe she would go. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much to see him again. Slowly, she pulled the zipper down the back of her dress. Either way, It couldn't hurt worse than not seeing him, could it?_

* * *

Phyllis groaned in frustration, throwing the comforter off and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She shoved her feet into the slippers and padded across the darkened room, quickly switching on the table lamp that sat beside the desk. Her fingers moved quickly over the keyboard as she typed and began to research potential flights. She'd never been one to miss a good party. Why the hell would she start now?

* * *

Billy stared at the album, the leather cover still shiny, still seemingly new. He flipped through the pages slowly. The pictures seemed to mock him. There were wedding pictures, pictures from holidays, from birthdays, a few vacations. When he studied his face, he could see happiness there and, even now, he remembered being happy with Victoria and his children. He remembered what that felt like, but that's what it was—a memory. He could look down at the photo and remember the way things used to be, back when he believed this was perfection, back when he thought this was the best dream ever, back before he knew here, before he'd experienced what they were together.

He had no pictures to remember them by. There was nothing tangible for him to hold, nothing to stare at and remember. The only thing that remained of them were his thoughts, his recollections, his mind's tortured of visions and dreams. What he wouldn't give for something, anything to hold—to remember.

She'd been gone nearly a week before he'd found out..after he'd overheard an intern at Jabot talking about converting her office back into a file room. He'd wandered back up to the Brash and Sassy conference room as he tried to process how she could simply disappear from his life without so much as a goodbye. What's worse is he had no one to talk to about any of this. She had always been his sounding board—the one he took his problems to and now that he needed someone, perhaps more than he ever had, she was gone.

His eyes fell to the invitation on the table and he slammed the album down on top of it. No doubt his preoccupation with Phyllis' sudden departure played a large role in his agreement to go to this stupid ball and a much larger role in agreeing to take part in this stupid bachelor's auction. Jill had approached him shortly after he came into the office that day. Talking to her about anything was more than he could handle on a good day and, on a day like that day—after having just been slapped in the face by life, it was simply not an option. He would have said anything to shut her up and, as it turns out, he did.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wow." Michael took a step back as she sauntered over, the smile on her face growing even larger as she watched his mouth fall open.

"You like?" she asked cheerfully, before extending her arms for a hug. She smiled as he hugged her tight. As much as she tried to pretend she was fine on her own, that she didn't need anyone in her life, or that her happiness wasn't dependent on someone else—she'd missed having someone to turn to. Sure she could pick up the phone and call, but talking wasn't the same as feeling the embrace of a good friend. This was exactly what she needed.

She took a step back. "Should I be worried that there's hesitation? What's the matter? Not a fan of change?"

"No," he said quickly. "I like it…it's just…it's quite the change. I mean, red to blonde…and it's _blonde_."

"Well, you know me," she smiled. "I don't do anything halfway."

Michael let out a quick puff of air. "You certainly do not." He turned his attention toward baggage. "Let's get your bags and get out of here. Lauren wants to meet for lunch. Apparently she's got big shopping plans for the afternoon…imagine that."

* * *

Billy stared at the plate of food in front of him as he slowly slid a potato across the plate.

"Sweetheart, you're too old for me to scold about playing with your food."

"Then don't, mother." Billy sighed loudly. He wasn't up for her inquisition today and he certainly wasn't up for another lecture. "You know what, mom. I'm not in this today. I should just go back to the house and.."

"Don't you dare," Jill stammered, reaching out and clenching his forearm. "You've been avoiding my calls for days. I'm your mother and the least you can do is sit down and have a simple lunch with me. We need to talk. You have responsibilities."

"If this is about Brash and Sassy, I'm handling it. I've been talking to the suppliers and…"

"This isn't about work, Billy." She paused for a moment. Perhaps it had been naïve on her part, but she truly believed when Phyllis left town that Billy would get the message, that he'd move on, that he'd be able to get his life back together and find his priorities again. Instead, he'd become even more withdrawn, more despondent, and far more isolated. Now, in addition to be frustrated with his childish antics, she was becoming worried about his increasingly self-destructive behaviors.

"Sweetheart," she whispered, reaching across the table and touching his hand, "I'm honestly worried about you. You look dreadful."

"Well, thanks mother…you certainly know how to cheer a guy up."

"Billy. You know what I mean. You're clearly not sleeping, you don't look like you've been eating. I know you haven't been coming into the office." She stared at him, reluctant to even bring up her name, but sensing the inevitability of it. "Is this about her?"

"Don't." The change in tone was abrupt and she could sense the immediate wall.

She raised her hands. "Alright. We don't have to talk about that…it's just…I wish you'd accept that things are the way they are. That's all."

"You know what?" The anger and frustration peaked inside him and the words came out louder than he anticipated.

Jill glanced around the room as she saw heads turn towards them. "Billy," she hissed. "Please keep your voice down."

"Why Mom?" he continued unaffected by her plea, "Is this embarrassing you? Is this uncomfortable for you? Well it's no picnic for me either! How do you think it makes me feel that you treat my feelings like they're so simplistic and meaningless that they can just be written off in a second…that my relationships are so shallow and empty that I should just be able to turn them on and off at your command?"

"I never said that! I just think you are holding onto something that's never going to happen. She's not even in this town anymore, Billy. She's in New…" Jill's eyes widened as her eyes fell on movement by the revolving door.

Billy turned to look. "What? What is it?"

"An old associate," Jill said quickly. "I should go say hello. You never know when you might need to call in a favor, right?" She smiled nervously as she stood up from the table. "Wait right here. I'll only be a second."

* * *

Phyllis and Lauren talked excitedly as they stood by the hostess stand.

"Oh my God…it _is_ you?"

"Great," Phyllis sighed. She turned to Lauren. "Well, I see the welcome wagon has arrived. What's wrong, Jill? No flowers? No balloons? Nothing ticking?"

"I'm afraid you didn't give me enough notice, dear," Jill quipped. She stepped back, looking at her closer. Her hand gestured to her hair, "This is new and different…might I hope you're looking to impress a new man in your life?"

"Jill," Phyllis covered her heart with her hand, feigning emotion. "I'm touched that you're so concerned about my love life and I know it's coming from the most sincere place, but no..there is no new man. I just needed a change..something new."

"Well," Jill sighed. "Moving on is good. Change is good." She stepped closer to her. "Look, Phyllis..in all seriousness, I'm not here to give you grief, but I'm asking you if the two of you could go somewhere else. I'm having lunch with my son and the last thing I need right now is you waltzing in here reminding him of what he can't have."

"Come on Jill," Lauren interrupted. "It's a public place and a small town. They're bound to run into each other.."

"You know what—she's right." Lauren and Jill both turned in unison.

"What?" Jill asked.

"You win, Jill. I didn't come back to this town to start another fight with you. We'll go somewhere else for lunch. It's not that important."

Lauren shrugged, caught off guard by the ease in which Phyllis gave in.

Before Jill could say another word, Phyllis headed out the door with Lauren behind her.

* * *

Jill walked slowly back to the table.

"I was just about to leave," Billy said as he reached into his wallet. "I've got some things to do today before that ridiculous charity event."

"Oh, don't say it like that." Jill softly slapped his shoulder. "It's for a good cause and besides, it'll be fun…getting all dressed up for a masquerade ball." She smiled at him "And who knows? There's that bachelor auction, maybe some pretty thing will bid on you and you'll find the love of your life."

"Right. I'm sure that's exactly how it'll go."

Jill saw the sadness in her son's eyes. "Oh, Billy, honey…I really do want you to be happy. I know you may not believe that, but I do. Mothers all want their children to be happy."

"That's the thing Mom," he said sadly. "I was happy…I'm just afraid I'll never be happy again."


	3. Chapter 3

"If I weren't a married man…" Michael stood, glancing over at Lauren with a smile. "Not that you ever look bad in anything, but I think my gorgeous wife outdid herself here."

Phyllis nodded, spinning around in the dress. "She certainly did and I love it. It's the perfect dress."

Lauren smiled. "You said you wanted to make a statement. This dress certainly does that." She reached out, grabbing her shoulders and turning her to face the full-length mirror. "And nobody can wear this dress quite like you can."

The body hugging, fire-engine red dress with cut out sides would certainly turn heads. This, coupled with her new blonde hair, would make her just the entrance she wanted. She'd have everyone talking. Phyllis picked up black gloves, slipping them on and testing out the final ensemble by modeling the look with the red and black masquerade mask.

She turned back to face Lauren. "It's perfect. This is exactly what I need."

"I'm so glad. Look, Michael and I are going to finish getting ready and then we can all ride over together." Lauren glanced back at Michael to confirm her plan was a go. He nodded, happier than ever to see his friend back in good spirits.

"No," Phyllis said quickly. "You two go ahead. I'm going to hang back for a bit. I want to do this on my own."

"Alright, if you're sure," Michael said cheerfully.

Phyllis smiled as she took another look in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, she was actually looking forward to something. Tonight should certainly be a night to remember.

* * *

"I said I'll be there." Billy sighed heavily as he stared up at the ceiling. "As a matter of fact, I'm almost ready." He ran his hands through his hair as he sat up on the couch, the dull throbbing in his head proving to be a formidable opponent. "Alright, mother. I'll see you there. Bye."

He slammed the phone on the coffee table and sat still for a moment, propping his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. He'd never hear the end the of it if he didn't show up tonight and the pain in his head was nothing in comparison to the pain his mother would be if he was late.

Groaning, he stood up and slowly trudged up the stairs. At least he had already had his tuxedo pressed and all he had to do was throw himself in it. In truth, he didn't care how he looked. Nothing about tonight mattered to him.

* * *

She stepped outside, standing and testing the temperature of the wind. There was a slight chill in the air, but not enough to need a wrap. Nothing needed to cover this dress. Phyllis stood outside the GCAC, watching the hustle and bustle from outside the glass door. This had become a habit of sorts—something she'd taken to doing in New York. She'd pass by restaurants and watch through the window as happy couples sat, holding hands across the table. She'd watch families playing in parks, mothers and fathers, walking hand in hand as their children romped in front of them. She'd walk down the streets at night, staring up into apartment windows, sometimes catching glances of dinner tables where happy families sat, no doubt talking over the events of their day.

And then she'd go home, to her apartment, where she'd sit and eat alone.

"Not tonight," she said aloud, running her hands down her dress and glancing at her reflection in the glass window. With the mask securely fastened and her newly colored hair, there was no real way to tell her identity and somehow that gave her a comfort walking in the room. It would be a relief to know that the only heads turning towards her when she walked in would be those in awe of her dress and presence. The only whispers would be inquire about who she was and why she was there. It wouldn't be about her sordid past or what she'd done that had run her out of town. Tonight she could be the enigma she'd wanted to be so many times in the past.

The revolving door moved towards her and she quickly moved into the entrance. The noisy chatter of the partygoers made it almost impossible to discern any individual voices and the lowered lights in the room gave the entire club a different atmosphere. Phyllis walked slowly into the crowded room, her eyes scanning the groups of people. There were those gathered at the bar, some on the dance floor, and still others scattered around at various tables. As she stepped further into the room, she felt the shift in attention. She could feel their eyes heavy on her, she could hear the hushed whispers—and somehow this attention wasn't negative. For a moment she could remember how it used to be, how she used to revel in being the center of attention.

Billy stood by the bar, as he watched the waiter walking towards him with a single flute of champagne on his tray.

"Thanks," he said softly, grabbing for the drink.

Phyllis stepped up to the bar, her voice barely able to be heard over the loud, boisterous music. The waiter turned towards her. She nodded as she saw his empty tray. Waving her hand, she smiled. "No problem," she said.

The waiter moved from between them, giving Billy a perfect view. He stood still, his breath stopping. The dress was only part of the equation, an important part, but only a part nonetheless. It was something about the way she wore it, the way she moved in it. She was fearless, assertive, but not arrogant. He smiled at her and felt his heartbeat quicken as she smiled back at him.

"Here," he said, his voice raised to be heard over the music. He pushed the flute of champagne towards her across the bar. "Take mine."

"No..No.." She nodded her head, not sure he could hear her voice. "I'll wait." She turned quickly, walking away. Her steps were quick until she put enough distance between them. Only then did she allow herself to breathe.

He wore a mask, but something about him seemed familiar—so much like him. She couldn't do this to herself..not tonight. She didn't come back her to torture herself. She came here to try and have some fun.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and put on her best smile as she turned around, fully expecting to see Lauren or Michael. Instead, it was him—again.


	4. Chapter 4

This wasn't his style—to just approach random women and ask them to dance. Even at events like this, he typically kept to himself. In fact, he probably wouldn't have even been over by the bar had his mother not prodded him to mingle, promising him the wall wouldn't fall down without his support. Still, this woman was different. There was something about her that drew him towards her, something almost involuntary.

Even now, just standing close to her, he seemed to feel more alive. He hadn't felt that way since…. Billy shook his head. He couldn't dwell on the past. It didn't change anything. It didn't change the fact that she chose to leave town without so much as a word. It didn't change the fact that she was living her life in another state without him. It certainly didn't bring her back to him. Maybe this was the start of something new…with someone new.

"You want to dance?" He practically bellowed, his words barely audible over the music and boisterous laughter and chatter.

Phyllis hesitated. If she was honest with herself and with him, the answer was no. She didn't want to dance—not with him, not with anyone. At the moment, the only thing she wanted to do was go outside and call a car. She wanted to go back to Michael and Lauren's and crawl into bed. This new lease on life had lasted approximately ten minutes—just long enough for her to remember him, for her to remember the way it was, for her to miss it, and him, and…

She nodded in spite of herself. There was nothing about self pity that would prove the least bit helpful to her. The last few months in New York had certainly taught her that. She was spending all her time wishing she had the things others did instead of doing anything that might actually lead her towards it. That had to stop.

His hands were warm on her back as she slowly walked with him towards the dance floor. She drew her breath in quickly as he gently drew her towards him, his face resting close to hers. There should be some trepidation, some awkwardness—even with someone as confident as herself, but instead there was a sense of comfort that was almost strange, somehow kismet. It was as if his arms were familiar, his embrace a comfort of home. Her heart beat faster as he held her close they continued to move across the floor. Feeling connected to someone again was frightening as she knew the pain it could cause, but exciting as she also knew the joy it could bring.

Billy felt her heart racing as relaxed against him. He breathed deeply, the scent of her perfume teasing him—alluring and incredibly familiar…The scent of her hair made it difficult to know for sure, but he'd swear. He turned a bit, his lips moving close to her ear. "Your perfume," he whispered, "It's lovely…what is it?"

For a moment the entire room seemed to stop. Everyone faded away. There was no music. No sound. No people. The only sound was the sound of her own breath, her own heartbeat and that voice—the one she'd know anywhere.

Her mind struggled to process the thoughts, the way he'd felt so familiar, the way she'd felt so at ease in his arms..

He felt the tension in her body, the immediate and unmistakable reaction. "I'm sorry," he said slowly, his hand clasped gently around her arm as he led her off the dance floor. He walked towards a corner of the room, where they could hear each other better. "Did I say something wrong?"

It was all too much. Too much to think about, too much to deal with, too much to process—It was just too damn much. She should have trusted her instincts. She should have never come back here. She should have stayed in New York and left the past in the past. Phyllis shook her head, pulling her arm from his grasp and hurrying towards the door. She took a deep breath as she walked into the crisp air. Her eyes fell on the bench near the revolving door and she gratefully sank onto it, pulling the mask from her face and allowing the tears that had been welling up inside to finally fall.

* * *

Billy stood by the door, still lost as to what had occurred in the last moments. He carefully processed the events, desperately attempting to discern what he could have done or said to cause such an extreme and abrupt reaction.

"Sweetheart?" Jill jumped as Billy jerked away from her touch. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "You're certainly on edge."

"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that, Mother."

"I wasn't sneaking. You just seem to be somewhere else entirely." Jill stepped in front of him, a satisfied smile on her face. "I saw you dancing with someone earlier." She glanced around the room, looking to see her again. "Are you waiting for her?"

"No."

"No?" Jill sighed. "Oh, honey…what happened? You can't just shut every woman out because they're not…"

"I didn't shut her out, Mom," he snapped. "I don't know what the hell happened. We were dancing and I thought things were going okay and all of sudden she just bolted."

"Bolted where?"

Billy pointed out the doors.

Jill shook her head. "Well, go after her for God's sakes. Women want to be pursued. We want to know you care enough to chase us."

"Mother please…I'm not interested in relationship advice from you, ok?"

"It certainly seems like you could use it." She paused, looking at him with a small smile. "What's the worst thing that can happen, huh? You go out there, you find her, she shuts you down, right? You're not any worse off than you were…and at least you know. You're not sitting here all night wondering what if…"

Nothing was more disgusting that being forced to admit his mother had a point. Billy drew in a long breath and nodded begrudgingly before walking slowly out the door. His eyes moved across the street and then saw the figure hunched over the bench, her head in her hands.

Her shoulders shook with sobs as he approached her and stood silent for a moment before he spoke.

"Look," he began. "If you want me to leave, I…"

She froze, her hands trembling as she lowered them from her face. Her eyes blinked quickly as she slowly looked up at him, her breath catching in her throat as she saw his eyes widen as recognition struck.

"Hi Billy," she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

"I…" He was dumbfounded. Even now, even staring directly into her eyes with the full knowledge of who she was, it was still difficult for him to believe that she was real—that she was sitting in front of him. The crisp air burned his eyes as he stared at her, unblinking, afraid that if he allowed his eyes to close, even for a second, he'd open them and she'd be gone—her form proven to be just a figment of his overactive imagination. Slowly, he lowered his body onto the bench, his normally warm hands now chilled by the night air. He touched her face and felt her shiver.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"No," she said quickly. "It's just…your hands are cold." She looked away, not sure of what to say or do. There had been many nights where she'd spent hours sitting in her apartment in New York with the phone in her hand. She'd held it, thinking of calling him, silently rehearsing what she'd say to him, how she'd explain her quick departure, but now as she looked into his eyes none of the words came to her.

There were so many things he wanted to know—so many questions he wanted to ask. Where was she living? What was she doing? Why had she left so suddenly? Why hadn't she said goodbye? Why hadn't she called? Written? His mind was filled with words and thoughts and phrases but nothing coherent seemed to form in his mouth. "My mother would die," he finally spat out, sighing even as he said the words at the stupidity of it all.

Phyllis leaned back, confused. "She knows I'm here?"

"No…it's just..she saw me dancing with someone and I told her that she rushed out and she's the one that encouraged me to run out here…after her.." He paused.. "You. When she finds out she actually sent me out here after you." His lips curled into a smile, unable to hide his delight at the irony of it all.

"That is pretty perfect when you think about it." She smiled back at him as she reveled in that small victory. For a moment the awkwardness of the moment faded and they were right back in that place—the place they'd spent so many moments together—the ease, the comfort…and then, it was gone again. The awkward silence seemed to suck the air out of the sky and they both shuffled uncomfortably.

It was Billy who finally spoke. "So…you changed your hair."

"Yeah," she forced a small grin. "I just needed a change. You know…sometimes it's best to just try something different." She caught the look in his eye and wished she could pull the words back.

"Right," he breathed. "Something different." He didn't want to feel this way. The feelings of anger and pettiness seemed to grow even as he sat here next to her. She'd left this town. She'd moved on in another state. He'd been here—reliving every moment of their live together, seeing her in every place, dreaming of the future they could have shared. There was no fresh start for him.

"How've you been?" The words fell quickly from her lips in a desperate attempt to break the awkward silence. She watched as his eyes widened, almost in surprise.

A miffed laugh escaped his lips as he quickly shook his head before looking back at her again. "How have I been? Are you seriously asking me that?"

"I'm sorry..am I not supposed to ask?" She straightened, her tone slightly defensive.

"It's just..I don't know what you would be concerned with how I've been considering you left town months ago without a word to me. You haven't called or made any attempt to contact me. I guess I'm just a little curious as to why I'm such a concern to you now…all of a sudden."

Her eyes burned, the tears that filled them a mix of anger and pain. "I don't have to listen to this." She stood up quickly, turning away and beginning to walk quickly down the street.

"That's right, Phyllis. Run away…because that's what you do, isn't it? That's what I was, wasn't it? I was just a place for you to run?" He watched her stop dead in her tracks, her body turning slowly back towards him. The eyes that were once filled with tears were now red, her cheeks now wet and stained.

"How dare you say that to me!"

"I'm not saying anything to you that you didn't say to me. That's what you said to me in my house that day. You said I was just your place to run. You said it was never about me. You said I wasn't what you needed."

"I was confused." Her voice shook as she spoke. This wasn't why she came back. In fact this was precisely what she'd hesitated. The fear of this confrontation, of having to answer these questions—when she didn't have the right answers…when she didn't understand why she did what she did…when she couldn't explain it to herself much less someone else.

She felt his hand take hers. "What about now?" His voice was softer, less accusatory. "Are you confused now?"

"Billy," she breathed. "I destroy everything I touch."

"So do I," he whispered.

The breath left her lips in a burst of quick laughter. She couldn't help but smile when he was around. There was something about him…something that lightened even the most desperate of situations. "That's not a good thing, Billy."

"Maybe not…but maybe it means we're good for each other. Maybe it means we get each other."

Phyllis shook her head, her eyes meeting his. The hope she saw there killed her. This couldn't happen. Not tonight. Not ever. "This can't happen," she said quietly. "My life is in New York. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't be here with all these people who whisper and talk and judge and you can't leave your kids. We aren't meant to be, Billy."

"I don't believe that…and you don't believe that either."

"I do believe it," she said sadly. "I wish it could be different. I do." She stared into his eyes one last time. "This has to be goodbye."

He blinked hard, feeling his own eyes begin to burn with tears. "I can't do that," he managed, his own voice beginning to break. "I don't know how to say goodbye to you."

She smiled, taking a step closer to him and stretching up to his face. Her lips brushed his softly and she lingered there for a moment, taking a moment to memorize him. "I know," she whispered. "Now you know why I tried so hard not to."

He pulled her close to him for a moment and she didn't fight him. For a moment he held her close, breathing her in. Slowly, she slipped away from him, smiling at him as she saw a car pull up. "That's my car," she whispered.

"Phyllis," he began, simply unable to allow her to walk away without one last plea.

"You take care of yourself Billy Abbott," she said, holding the door in her hand as she looked at him. "Be happy."


	6. Chapter 6

She leaned back against the cool leather of the backseat. This wasn't how relief was supposed to feel. This gnawing in the pit of her stomach, the emptiness settling deep into her soul, the lump in her throat that seemed to grow bigger and bigger with each breath she tried to force into her body. It physically hurt to miss someone this bad. But she had to stop it—they couldn't be together. They were toxic. Their relationship would cause nothing but grief and pain for both of them. Even if she sometimes thought herself to be a masochist, she didn't want that for him. He needed a chance to move on with his life and this was the only way she could give that to him. Or was it?

"Stop the car." The words were startling, even to her as she heard them echo through the silence of the car. The driver turned around slowly, looking at her with a confused expression.

"I thought you wanted me to…"

Phyllis shook her head furiously. "I know..I know what I said, but I changed my mind. Take me back to the club, please…"

* * *

"Sweetheart…" Jill's voice trailed off as she saw the look on his face. "What on earth happened?"

"She's gone." He continued to walk ahead of her even though she knew she'd trail behind him like a puppy. There were times he wanted to turn around and scream at her. In his heart, he knew her concern came from a good place, but right now he didn't want it—no matter where it came from. He wanted to be left alone so he could be as miserable as he wanted to be.

"I take it it didn't go very well?"

"No, Mother. It didn't." He sighed, finding an empty chair and slumping down into it.

Jill stood beside him. "Well, that's her loss. You wouldn't want someone that didn't have the common sense to recognize a great catch when she saw it..huh?" She leaned down to check his expression, the sullen countenance not wavering for a second. "Maybe you should go freshen up a bit?" she suggested as gently as she could. "The auction will be kicking off in an hour or so."

"Mom…I really…I'm not up for that tonight. I just want to go home and…"

"I need you to do this, Billy. This is great branding and it will be really good for the business." She watched him intently, smiling as she saw his shoulders rise and fall with a deep sigh.

A slight smile began to form on his face.

"There you go," she whispered, leaning in to straighten his tie. "You just need to change your perspective." Jill looked up, realizing suddenly that he wasn't looking at her, but rather past her, towards the entrance. She turned, her eyes widening as she saw her standing there. "What the hell," she hissed.

"Excuse me," Billy said quickly, nearly knocking her down in his attempt to move in front of her.

"Billy…Wait. Billy. Don't do this!" She watched as he headed towards him, the energy and bounce in his step returning almost immediately. There was nothing to do now, but watch him crash and burn.

* * *

"You came back." The words came out in one breath as he stepped up to her, closing the distance between them, reaching out take her hands in his. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. I know we've said goodbye before, but that time…it felt different. It felt final."

Phyllis nodded. "It was supposed to be, but I couldn't leave it that way. Billy, I…"

"You don't have to say anything…and we don't have to do this here. We can go back to my place."

"No. Billy…That's not why I came back."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant we could go somewhere to talk…really talk. I want to understand what it is that you want…what you need from me."

She smiled sweetly at him. "I need you to let me finish."

"Sorry," he whispered. "I'm just…I'm so glad you're here…that you're back. I wasn't sure how I was gonna get through the rest of this night without you."

"Billy." It killed her to say it again. It was bad enough the first time, but now, as she looked into his eyes and saw the renewed hope there…it was a horrible thing to have to make that look go away…again. "What I told you before…that we can't be together….that's still true."

For a moment he didn't speak, didn't move, didn't even breathe. He was certainly he'd misunderstood. She couldn't have said those words…not again. "What do you mean? You're back…you came back?"

"Yes. Yes I did…because I miss you…I miss talking with you and being apart of your life. Before we were together, we were friends. You meant so much to me and I cared so much about you. I still care about you, Billy."

"You care about me.." The words caught in his throat as he said them as if his body was physically rejecting such a ridiculous sentiment. "After everything we've been through…after everything we've said to one another, that's what you're gonna go with now? You care about me?"

"It's true." Her voice quivered, but she willed herself to continue. "I just…It's so hard to imagine my life without you, so I just thought maybe we could somehow salvage some sort of something." The look on her face confirmed her worst fears. This had been a horrible idea.

"Let me get this straight. You want me to be content meeting for coffee. I should be okay with letting you vent to me about bad dates and problems you're having with the guys you're dating. We should what? Go to the movies? Go dutch for dinner? Is that honestly what you're suggesting?"

Tears burned her eyes. "I just thought we could still be there for each other. I thought maybe we could find a way to still stay a part of each other's lives…that's all, but if that's not something you want…if you're not interested, fine.." She turned on her heel, wanting nothing more than to get out of this room, to get away from him, to get back in that car where she could let the tears fall without him seeing the depth of her pain.

He was somehow standing in front of her before she realized it, his body close enough for her to feel his breath on her skin. His fingertips softly grazed her cheek, his eyes staring into hers. They were no longer silently screaming with anger. They were softer now, more like the eyes she'd stared into so many times before. "I wish I could do that," he whispered, "but there's no way I could ever be a part of your life without wanting more. Even now..even right here..what I want more than anything is to kiss you, but I know that I can't."

She stared at him, her chest heaving as he spoke. It was becoming more difficult to remember her reasoning.

"So if you can't be in this with me, and I mean really in this, then I have to try and move on." He leaned in, his lips brushing hers for only a fraction of a second before he pulled away. "You take care of yourself."

He walked away quickly—far more quickly than she'd expected. As she stood there, she remembered the day in the living room of the Chancellor house, a day where she'd left him in much the same way. She turned slowly around, looking into the crowded room, her eyes scanning the groups of people.

She saw him just before she saw her. She was a brunette, tall—probably a model type, she thought. Tan, lean, and pretty, she could easily draw a man's attention, but Phyllis normally wouldn't have cared—were it not for her arms, the ones wrapped around Billy's waist as he slowly swayed her across the dance floor.

Their eyes met for a moment and she half expected him to stop, to excuse himself, and walk over to her, but he didn't. He simply smiled and continued to dance.


	7. Chapter 7

Billy held her close to him as he moved around the dance floor. She was pretty in an obvious sort of way, but she wasn't her. He leaned in closer to her, breathing in the scent of her hair. It wasn't unpleasant, but it just wasn't….well, it wasn't her. The air built up within him and escaped his lips in a deep sigh.

"What's the matter?" The words floated from her mouth in a breathy whisper as she batted her eyes at him.

He could feel her stepping in closer to him, her body moving against hers ever so slightly with each step they took. In another time, he might have found it appealing, even found her appealing, but now—nothing compared to the woman he saw right over…. His movements stopped as his eyes frantically scanned the room. The hands that once draped around her waist dropped to his side and he turned around, his eyes darting in a million different directions.

"Billy," she cooed. "What are you looking for? I'm right here."

"I just…I was just.." Words failed him. He hadn't meant to run her off. He was hoping to shock her into some sort of admission—not to send her back to New York thinking he was moving on with someone else.

"Billy! There you are. I've been looking all over for you."

He turned around, his mother's eyes staring at him. "You found me," he stated flatly.

"Yes, well thank goodness I did. The bachelor auction is starting in five minutes. They need everyone lined up right now."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, not feeling at all sorry about anything or to anyone except himself. "I have to go do this thing."

She smiled back at him. "Go ahead…I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon."

Billy nodded. This night simply needed to end at any cost. Whatever it took to get through it.

* * *

The audience applause was deafening as Billy trudged off the stage. "I hope you're happy. Humiliating grown men like that," he grumbled. "Like a human cattle call.."

"Oh sweetheart," Jill sighed. "It's all for charity, and it's a really good cause. Besides, it looks like that pretty little thing you were dancing with earlier has some serious cash to back up those looks. Not just anyone can put up that kind of money for a date."

"It's disgusting is what it is. It's a legalized escort service."

"Oh, Billy stop it. It's not like you've got such high standards anyone…remember that Brittany or whatever.."

"Her name was Bethany, mother and she'd make this girl look like a Mensa member. Besides, this won't go anywhere…that much I can promise you."

Jill looked at him with an exasperated look. "Why would you say that? She's clearly interested. She just put out $25,000 for a date with you. If that's not making the first move, I'm not sure what is."

"She can make all the moves she wants. It's not gonna happen. I'm not interested and.." His words stopped as she stepped up.

"Well, who knew," she grinned, poking a finger into his side.

Billy glanced down at her hand. "Who knew what?"

"That you had an admirer." She stared up at him, blinking quickly. He wondered if she realized it came off more anxious than flirtatious.

Jill smiled. "Yes. I was just telling Billy that it must have been quite the admirer to pay that kind of money for a date with him. Someone must recognize his potential." She leaned in close to her, whispering into her ear. "He's one of the good ones…don't let the mood tonight fool you."

"Right. Well, I just wanted to give you my card…I'm really hoping maybe we can get together again sometime."

"Uh, I think we set up the time and everything through the charity foundation. We have to do it that way so they can make sure everything is above board." Even having this conversation with her was painful, he could only imagine how difficult it would be to sit through an entire dinner.

"The charity?" Her doe eyes became more confused than normal as she stared at him. "I didn't bid."

"Wait a minute. You're saying you weren't the person that won the auction?" Billy glanced over at Jill who shrugged.

"No," she said innocently. "I didn't even bid. I mean, not that I don't want to date you, but I wasn't gonna pay for it. I still believe men should pay for the dates. It's what my Daddy always…Wait..what are you.." She turned her attention to Jill as she watched Billy run from the room. "I thought you said he was a good guy."

Jill shook her head. Sometimes there were no answers for him.

* * *

"How the hell can it be an anonymous bidder? It's for a date. How am I supposed to go on a date with someone if they won't tell me who they are?"

"Sir, all I can tell you is the bidder didn't want to reveal his/her information. They asked me to enter a proxy bid for them and I did. We'll provide the contact information to you when the bidder gives us the okay to do so."

Billy sighed. "That's the most ridiculous…" He stopped, taking a step back from the counter. This wasn't doing anyone any good. The man behind the counter wasn't intentionally trying to be difficult. He was simply following instructions. Tonight had been a train wreck from the get go and it shouldn't have come as any surprise to him that the auction would end in total disaster.

The music and idle chatter in the room seemed to grow in intensity until he felt as if his head would surely explode if he couldn't find some semblance of peace. His eyes fell on the revolving door and he stepped into opening, enjoying the refreshing change of the brisk night air on his face. The sound of the street noise wasn't exactly peaceful, but it was a welcome change of pace from the babble inside.

He took a few steps down the sidewalk to where he'd sat a few hours earlier, his body falling back down onto the bench. Somehow he'd gained and lost her all over again tonight and the pain was just as raw and real as it had been the first time. The wind was colder as it cut through the fabric of his suit coat and he wrapped his arms close around his body as he hung his head to shield his face from the piercing cold.

The bench moved a bit beside him and he felt the warmth of another body beside him. "Mother," he said quietly. "Not now…really, I don't want to talk to you or anyone else. I just want to be alone."

She turned her body towards him. The pain from the cold air as it hit her face was biting, but it was nothing in comparison to the pain she'd felt watching him dance with that woman. In that moment, she'd known she'd never be able to leave him again. "Well then," Phyllis whispered, "I'm afraid I'm going to need a refund."


	8. Chapter 8

"It was you?" He reached out to touch her. His hand trembled as he gently stroked her soft skin. She turned her face into his open palm, her warm breath sending a chill through him—reassuring him that she was real, that this wasn't a dream. She'd come back.

She smiled sweetly at him. "You thought it was someone else?"

"I..I didn't know for sure who it was. I thought maybe it was the woman I was…" He stopped then, his eyes staring into hers. The image of her face instantly flashed back into his mind—how hurt she'd been when he danced with that woman.

"The woman you were dancing with." She looked away for a moment before turning back towards him, "Who was she?"

"I don't know." It was the honest answer. He had no idea who she was and he didn't care. She meant nothing to him then and she meant even less to him now. "I was just trying to get a reaction from you, but I wasn't trying to hurt you. I thought if you saw me with her that you'd come over and say something. I thought it would force you to do something, say something…" He sighed. "And I guess it did. You left…or at least I thought you did."

"I started to. I walked out and stood out here for a while. I had the phone in my hand all ready to call and car and I just couldn't. I couldn't walk away…not from here..not from you. Not again. So I turned around and went back inside and that's when I saw the bidding sheets. I just wanted the chance to be us again—even if it was just for one night. I wanted it to be just you and me. I've missed that." Her voice faltered for a moment as she looked at him, as she really looked at him for the first time in such a long time. "I miss you," she whispered. "I miss us."

It barely registered with him that he had not yet spoken. He was so entirely focused on her, on the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, the touch and feel of her skin. He tried to memorize every, single element about her in case she bolted from him in the next second. Speaking seemed unbearably difficult as his mind struggled to focus. "Me too," he managed, holding her hands in his, pulling her body closer, as close as he could get her. "We could uh..we could go upstairs. I could get a room."

His faced instantly flushed with embarrassment as he her lips curve into the devilish grin he'd seen so many times before. "I didn't mean it like that," he whispered. "I just mean it would give us some time..some time to talk to be together."

"Walking in there is going to be like facing our own personal judge and jury." Phyllis sighed as she leaned into him, their bodies almost touching. She closed her eyes, hard pressed not to react to the sensation of being so close to him. "I'm not sure I'm up to that right now."

Billy shook his head. That was the last thing he wanted. "No," he whispered, his breath catching as he felt her hands run up the front of her shirt. He was now more sure than ever that a room was the perfect idea. "You go in the back entrance and up the back staircase. I'll go in the front and get the key and I'll meet you up there."

His hands were still holding hers tightly as they both stood, neither of them ready to let go—even if they knew it would only be moments before they'd be together again. "I'll just be a minute." His lips brushed her as he whispered the words to her. She smiled as she watched him walk through the front doors.

* * *

Billy clenched the key tight in his hands as he shoved it into his pocket. His eyes searched the room, finally falling on his mother as she stood chatting with a small group of people in the corner.

"Excuse me, please." He smiled, as he scurried her away from the fake smiles and polite conversation.

"Billy," Jill scolded, "That was rude. Those are some of the biggest movers and shakers in the cosmetic industry. Their support could mean huge things for Brash and Sassy and I really don't think we can afford to be alienating any would be supporters right now."

"Mother..I didn't come over here to discuss business strategy with you. I just came to let you know I'm heading out."

"You can't be serious. Oh, Billy!" She groaned, staring at him with her arms crossed. "This is the perfect opportunity to network. This is exactly the kind of thing I've been trying to explain to you. You tell me that you're committed to the company, that you're committed to making things work and then you go and pull a stunt like this. How am I supposed to believe you're really invested in Brash and Sassy if you keep bailing on every opportunity to build a successful brand?"

"As I recall you've been much more concerned with me building a personal relationship, have you not?"

Jill stopped, her eyes widening? "Wait…is that why you're leaving? Are you going to see Victoria?"

"No, Mother," Billy sighed, rolling his eyes slightly. "It's not Victoria. It's uh..it's actually the woman that won the auction. I got her contact information and we talked. We really hit it off and I'm meeting her tonight." He couldn't help but smile as he watched his mother's eyes light up. There was nothing inherently dishonest about what he was saying and this was, in fact, how a normal mother would react to her son being happy. "In fact," he added, deciding to enjoy a bit more of her blissful ignorance, "you might say you had a hand in this…remember earlier when I was dancing with the woman and she ran out?"

Jill nodded.

"You told me to go after her?" He waited for her to nod in the affirmative again. "It was the same woman," he smiled. "So you have good instincts. Turns out we were supposed to be together after all."

Jill smiled proudly. "See sweetheart, I just knew something really wonderful would come out of tonight. Is she here? Where is she?"

"She actually has a room upstairs. We're heading out in a bit."

"Well, I want to meet her…that's a given."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I mean we haven't even had a first date yet. Meeting parents is a bit overkill, Mom." Billy could feel his palms begin to sweat. There was a real possibility Phyllis would murder him if he showed up to their room with Jill in tow.

"Oh come on…this is no ordinary first date. It was set up by a bachelor auction and besides, you said it yourself-I had a hand in the matchmaking. I deserve to have a chance to see if she meets my very high standards for my son."

Billy sighed. She was like a dog with a bone. "I'll have to talk to her and see what she thinks. I should actually go up and get her though. She's waiting and I don't want her to think I'm going to keep her waiting all the time."

"That's right," Jill prodded, pointing towards the steps. "You run on up there and get that girl and sweetheart.."

Billy stopped, glancing back at her.

"I'm so happy for you," she called out with a smile.

He nodded, the familiar knot in his stomach beginning to grow.

* * *

He saw the relief on her face when she saw him appear in the hallway. "I was beginning to think I'd been stood up," she whispered, immediately closing the distance between them. "You were gone so long."

"Sorry about that. I wanted to let my mother know that I was leaving and, as always, I had to endure the third degree and where I was going and who I was with…"

"Right," Phyllis grinned, "because you are in high school." She glanced up at him, noting his expression remained serious. "Okay…you don't have to laugh at my jokes, but you usually at least pretend to…especially when we're about to go into a hotel room together and you want to keep me in the best mood possible."

He forced a small smile as he slipped the key card into the door and opened it, holding the door open for her to walk through. After closing the door, he immediately walked over to the side of the bed and sat down, pulling her down beside him, his eyes staring into hers. "I kind of need to tell you something," he said quietly.

"Billy." Her voice was a mix of trepidation and light hearted jest. "This isn't your best move..and I've seen most of your moves…you've got some winners.." She nuzzled into his neck.

"Wait," he said, pulling away for a moment and looking at her again.

"Now you're starting to scare me," she grinned.

His smile grew and she instantly felt better. "I'm sorry," he breathed. "I don't mean to freak you out. It's nothing tragic…well…nothing that tragic, really. It's just…I had to tell my mother that I was meeting that auction winner tonight." Phyllis closed her eyes, her head dropping in a show of defeat.

"I know," he whined, "I'm sorry, but she was driving me crazy about leaving and not networking for business contacts and I knew if I told her I had a date she'd let me off the hook."

"Well, okay." She sat up straight, brightening slightly. "I guess it doesn't matter that you told her that. She still doesn't know it's me and she doesn't have to right now. Right now you and I can focus on…" She stopped, hesitating… "There's more, isn't there?"

He grimaced, shaking his head slowly. "Isn't there always with my mother."

Phyllis groaned. "What?"

"She kind of wants to meet the winning bidder….tonight."


	9. Chapter 9

"You told her no, right?" Silence settled over the room. It only took one look in his eyes for her question to be answered. She sighed, flopping back onto the bed as she stared up at the ceiling. In her mind, there was no way this didn't end in disaster.

The bed gave slightly as he lay beside her, curling the length of his body against hers. The gentle warmth of his presence calmed her and she turned her head towards him, unable to keep her lips from curving into a slight smile. "You couldn't think of anything else you'd rather do tonight?"

The soft deep laugh seemed to originate from deep within him and it struck him how long it had been since he'd laughed so easily. "Oh, I can think of quite a few things I'd rather be doing. It's just…" Her hair seemed to beckon to him and he reached out to softly brush it away from her face, "Wouldn't you rather just get it over with…just tell her and be done with it? Kind of like ripping off a band-aid?" He grinned, the same impish grin he knew she had trouble resisting.

"Yeah, that's total bullshit- Your theory and the band-aid one by the way." Phyllis sighed heavily as she sat up on the bed, leaning back a bit as she felt his warm hand stroke the small of her back. "I just wish your mother could stay out of this. I wanted tonight to be ours….just ours." She knew there weren't any guarantees. It wasn't what life was about, at least not for them, but tonight she wanted to know that they were together. She needed to know that, at least for the next twelve hours or so, their world was good and safe. It might not have seemed like much, but it was more than enough for her.

"Then that's what we'll do." The moment the words left his lips, he saw her eyes light up with renewed promise. His mother had ruined too many opportunities for them, too many chances, too many moments. He wasn't about to let her screw this up too. "Tell you what…" Billy leaned in, quickly brushing his lips against hers before he stood and straightened his jacket. "What if we go somewhere…just us...for tonight…somewhere people don't know us…don't know anything about who were are or what we've been through?"

She was on her feet in mere moments, the idea intriguing her instantaneously. "I was reading about a hotel that opened just outside of town." Her hands clasped his tightly as she stood in front of him. The excitement she felt inside now reflected in his eyes.

"That sounds perfect. We can stop by Michael and Lauren's and grab anything you'll need."

Phyllis nodded happily. "What are you going to tell your mother?"

"Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell her anything. We're going out the back and we're out…" The expression on her face was worth anything he'd had to go through to get to that moment. All he wanted was the chance to make her that happy. He'd start with tonight and go from there.

"Do you need to tell Michael and Lauren you're leaving?"

"I can call them from the car." The words came out more rushed than she intended and she blushed a bit when Billy smiled at her eagerness.

"Let's go then," he whispered, letting his eyes linger on her for just a moment longer than necessary.

She felt a rush of heat surge through her as the door to the hallway opened and they stepped outside.

"There you are."

Billy stopped short causing her body to slam against his as he looked at his mother. "Mom," he breathed, "What are you doing up here?"

Jill smiled. "Well, I kept waiting for you to bring your friend downstairs to meet me, but you never came, so I figured I better run up here in case you were planning to sneak out on me." Jill extended her hand, "It's so nice to meet you, I'm Jill, Billy's mother."

Phyllis took a deep breath, gathering her composure before stepping out from behind Billy. "Hello, Jill."

The shift in mood was palpable, the once outstretched hand now curled into a fist, and Billy immediately stepped in front of Phyllis again. "Mother don't start."

"Don't start?" Jill glared at Phyllis before looking up at Billy with a pained expression. "Billy, what are you thinking? Did you not lose enough the first time?"

"This isn't something I'm going to discuss with you. Phyllis and I are adults. We can make our own decisions about our own lives." He'd gone through this in his head so many times. It was a logical, rational argument. His words made sense to any normal person—but this wasn't any normal person—this was his mother.

"Well, you're doing a hell of a job." She groaned audibly. "God, Billy. I'm just trying to save you some heartache, son. I'm trying to keep you from making the same stupid mistakes I have. Learn from the mistakes I've made. You don't have to keep making the same stupid, destructive choices. You could have a wonderful life with your children. You certainly don't have to settle for someone like her."

It was something about the way she said it, something about the particular level of disdain in her voice, the harsh judgmental spirit, the look in her eyes—it was something about one of those things or maybe a little of all of them, but whatever it was, it ended there.

"That's enough."

Jill took a step back, visibly surprised by the change in her son. "Billy," she countered, a little more hesitantly, "I…"

"No." Billy reached back, his hand searching for Phyllis'. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close beside him. "You're not going to insinuate yourself in my life anymore. I've made a choice about who I want to spend my time with. You're welcome to have an opinion. You're welcome to disagree, but you cannot and will not run Phyllis down in my presence. " The slight squeeze of his hand gave him the push he needed to continue. "I love you Mother, but I love Phyllis too and if you force me to choose," His voice quivered a bit, "I don't think you'd like my choice."

"Billy…" She was visibly shaken. "Sweetheart, I don't…"

"We're leaving now, Mom. You and I can talk later." He glanced back at Phyllis, her eyes wide as they stared up into his. "You ready?" She nodded quickly and followed him towards the stairs.

* * *

She smiled as she felt his lips press against her temple.

"What's that smile for?" he whispered, pulling her closer to him, his arms wrapping around her as her head found its familiar resting spot on his bare chest.

"Just thinking about how much I missed having someone next to me." She looked up at him, happy to see him smiling back at her. "Beds seem a lot bigger when you're the only one in them."

"You just missed having someone? Not anyone in particular?"

He felt her shake with her girlish giggle. "Maybe somebody special," she cooed. Her fingertips trailed up and down his chest for a moment before he sensed her mood change.

"Hey." He gently touched her chin with his fingertips, "Look at me." As his eyes met hers, he immediately saw his instincts were correct. The previously happy, carefree eyes were now more serious. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking," she said, her throat tightening as she considered ruining what had been a near perfect evening. "Earlier with your mother…"

His lips covered hers for a moment before he pulled away. "I don't want you to worry about my mother. I will handle my mother."

"It's not that…It's not your mother I'm worried about. It's what you said to her."

"What I said?" He was confused. Immediately, his mind went into overdrive, replaying the conversation in his mind, sifting through his words, searching for the word or words that may have upset her.

"Yeah," she whispered, her eyes earnest as she looked up at him. "You said you loved me…"

"Right. I do. You know that."

It was as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to him—as if it was something she should have always known and never questioned. Still, in her mind, love wasn't something to accept at face value. People didn't love forever—not in her world.

"Still?"

The word hung in the air and he could hear the pained question in her voice. The thought that she'd ever doubted his love, ever wondered if he cared—it broke his heart. He knew of no other way to prove it to her….except…

"Always," he whispered, amazed when he felt the relief in her body. Tears immediately fell from her eyes and she turned away from him, not wanting him to see her so vulnerable. "Don't," he whispered. "Don't turn away from me. You don't ever have to hide anything from me."

She laughed, feeling silly, and a little uncomfortable. "I know," she admitted, the words and honest realization even to herself. "I knew I missed you, but I don't know if I knew how much until tonight. I didn't let myself think about it a lot. I couldn't. I was afraid it would be unbearable if I remembered the way it was with us. I couldn't think about how I felt when I was with you, how strong you made me feel, how safe, how loved. I was afraid I would fall apart if I had to see how different my life was without you in it." She shook her head as she thought about all the ways she tried to make her life complete without him.

"I love you so much, Billy Abbott," she smiled, so grateful to finally be able to say it out loud without reservation or fear. "In so many ways, I tried to make my life complete, but you're the only thing that completes it…it's only you."

The growing smile on his face made her stop, her own eyes now brightening. "I know that look," she said slowly, "What are you thinking?"

His arms wrapped tight around her, the idea of letting her go again now an impossible thought. "This feels more right than anything has in a long, long time." He smiled as she nodded in agreement. "So, what if we made it permanent? What if we stayed together?"

Phyllis drew in a deep breath. "Billy, it's just my job in New York…it's…"

"Shhh…I know you have a lot going on there and it will take some time to get that division squared away. I know you can't come back to Genoa City right away." The confused look on her face made him even more sure of his plan. "But that doesn't mean I can't come to you."

Her head tilted a bit, "You mean visit in New York?"

"More like live…I want to go back to New York with you. We'll stay there until you can get the division set up and then we can decide what we want to do. Maybe we stay there. Maybe we move back here. Maybe we go somewhere completely different. It's our life. We get to live it on our terms." He stared into her eyes, trying to judge her reaction. "Isn't that what we always talked about? Living our lives the way we chose?"

"It is, but Billy…what about your kids and your job…what about your family?"

"I'll visit the kids and I'll find a job in New York and as far as my family goes," He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, "you're my family from now on."

She sighed as he held her, her heart screaming at her head to shut up. Love and logic had never been fast friends. And then there were those eyes—when she looked into them, all bets were off.

"What do you think?" he asked, his tone hopeful but hesitant.

"Let's do it," she sighed, barely able to get the words out before she found herself swept up in his arms.

Thinking hadn't done a whole hell of a lot for her in the past few years. Maybe tonight she'd go with what she felt, what she wanted, what she needed..Maybe she'd pick the man that could make her laugh, keep her sane, and sweep her off her feet. Maybe tonight she'd stop worrying so damn much about what could happen and focus on what was happening right now. Maybe tonight she'd let herself be happy…after all it was a brand New Year.

 **The End**


End file.
